WIGGUMISNS


When I grow up, I wanna be a principal or a caterpillar.

This is my sandbox. Over there is the deep end, I’m not allowed to go in there. That’s where I see the leprechaun, he tells me to burn things.

(To Vicki Valentine) My daddy shoots people!

Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulder.

My worm entered my mouth and I ate it. Can I have another one?

My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

I love glue!

I eated the purple berries. They taste like… burning.

Look Daddy, I made a Ralphwich! It tastes hurty!

All my friends have birthdays this year.

I don’t have a red crayon. I ate it.

I’m a furniture.

I’m playing with Elmo.

The happiest day of my life was when the doctor said I wouldn’t hear voices anymore.

Fun toys are fun.

I dress myself!

I’m pedaling backwards!

Help! She’s touching my special area.

(After being thrown through a window) I’m a brick.

I’m going to Africa. There’s lions, and monkeys, and Santa…….

And, when the doctor said I didn’t have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life.

Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren’t around and I’m not allowed to turn on the stove.

I wanna be a triangle.

Dying tickles.

I’m a Star Wars.

I bent my Wookiee!


I’m special.

(on the phone with Krusty) I flushed a potato down the toilet, now we have to live in a hotel!

(after being scared) I’m going back inside Mommy!

(Watching Marge cry) Your eyes need diapers.

Lisa is a sellout!  Lisa is a sellout!  Lisa, what’s a sellout?

(After falling on a wind stock) I almost died.

(To Marge at the door) Can Lisa come out with her hands up? (Waves his hand to Chief Wiggum)

(Squishes an ice cream cone on his forehead) I’m a unitard!

(Covered by ants) These dots ate Itchy!

(On bus) Go banana!

Yay! Field day! I can go cuckooing and no one can stop me!

(Rolled up in a map) When I come out of this, I’ll be a butterfly!

I’m a fun factory! (Puts Play-Doh in mouth and squeezes it out of his nose and ears)

(To Ms. Cantwell) If I can’t remember the right letter, I’d just put an A!

(To Groundskeeper Willie after he puts Ralph down from a horse) I like the Play-Doh that comes out the back!

(At the temporary tattoo station) I want kitty whiskers!

If mommy’s purse didn’t belong in the microwave, why did it fit?

I wet my arm pants!

Grandma had hair like that when she went to sleep in her forever box!

I’m bembarrassed for you.

(To Lisa) Hi, Lisa! (To Superintendent Chalmers) Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers! (in Lisa Gets an “A”).

(After getting announced for an academic alert by Principal Skinner) I won, I won!

(To Lisa when he’s using the computer) I’m learnding!

(While using the gas station bathroom) Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want, so tell me what you want, what you really really want. I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want, so tell me what you want, what you really really want!

(To Principal Skinner after he asked Ralph if he’s finished going to the bathroom) I finished before we came in!

I’m Idaho!

My knob tastes funny.

(To the Forest Fire Bear while Ralph sits on his lap) And I want a bike! And a monkey! And a friend for the monkey!

(To the Forest Fire Bear after he asked Ralph if he’s going to start any fires) At my house we call them uh-oh’s!

(To Chief Wiggum after eating a sample of Tomacco) Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!


Lisa’s bad dancing makes my feet sad.

Look, Big Daddy! It’s Regular Daddy!

(To Chief Wiggum) Look, Daddy! A whale egg!

(To Chief Wiggum) Daddy, I’m scared! Too scared to wet my pants!

This snowflake tastes like fish sticks.

My parents won’t let me use scissors.

Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours!

Principal Skinner, I got carsick in your office.

Dear Miss Hoover, you have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin is biting me. Come back soon. Here’s a drawing of a spirochete. Love Ralph.

Bushes are nice ’cause they don’t have prickers. Unless they do. This one did. Ouch!

The doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy! And that’s why it was the best summer ever.

I kissed a light socket once and I woke up in a helicopter!

(To Bart) Don’t I look stupid? (Runs into the wall repeatedly and makes a hole)

(Sees electrical wires in the wall after running into it) Mmm, wall licorice! (Chews on wires causing him to get electrocuted, then faints)

(While drowning in the pool) I’m finding Nemo!

(While leaving through a pipe after drowning) I saw heaven!

(To a goat at Martin’s party with shrimp in his hand) Want some peanuts, Mr. Elephant?


(To the Groundskeeper after realizing that the “elephant” is a goat, the “shrimp” is peanuts, and the goat is allergic to shrimp) Your breath smells like “Don’t drink that”!

He’s gonna smell like hot dogs.

(While coming out of the melting donut hole from the new Lard Lad statue that’s melting) Th-th-th-th-th-that’s all, folks! (The statue’s melted wax pours on Ralph)

When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University!

I ate too much plastic candy.

I ate all my caps…ow!

I found a moon rock in my nose!

I’m wearing a bathrobe, and I’m not even sick.

You have the bestest Dad. He read me a story about Chinese food.

My face is on fire.

The doctor said I wouldn’t have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there.

(To Marge Simpson after she calmed Ralph down from running around and playing by himself) Your hair is tall and pretty!

Wheeee… ow I bit my tongue!

Oh boy, sleep! That’s where I’m a Viking!

Was President Lincoln okay?

I want a tricycle, and a dog who won’t chew my Hot Wheels, and a brighter future for America! I’m Ralph Wiggum and I have been a good boy!

(While getting carried by birds during The Simpsons Ride) I’m a baby bird!

Clouds are God’s sneezes!

Martin Luther King had a dream. Dreams are where Elmo and Toy Story had a party and I went there. Yay! My turn is over!

Your toys are fun to touch. Mine are all sticky.

Hee hee! I’m in danger!

I’m the smartest ball in the bag!

I have lemon-lime disease!

I’m an exclamation point!

I’m a millionaire!

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HEALING BELFAST HEALING IRELAND

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belfast is dying. our politicians let these victorian masterpieces fall into the ground so that they can massage their ego with a wrecking ball, all in the name of progress.

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